Managing anger, a perspective ~!

Anger management! How good are you?
Many experts now are making good money by conducting workshop showing others how to manage their anger. I however, have simple philospohy - and it is free!

I often ask angry people who come to me - "why do you allow yourself to get angry?"

I choose the word 'allow' purposely. Being angry is an emotive reaction and we react the way we choose to react. Tonight, while driving back from dinner with my family, one of my passengers was annoyed and angry with the traffic jam. He didn't want to miss the American Idol show. I promptly asked him, "Tell me what do you get out of being angry?" He retorted, angrily, "Who said I was angry!". And I said, "See now you are even angry with me. But what do you get?"
He softened his voice, and coyly said, "Sorry!".


A friend of mine, Mr K, sent an email asking my opinion on how to handle a situation he found himself in. A man who had caused much anguish to Mr K's wife during a certain period of their career - was  joining the campany where Mr K was working. "What do I do with this bast*rd!" He asked me.

I wasn't sure whether to feel honoured that he regarded me as an expert in dealing with bast*rds, but then again he was not the only one, Even female friends have asked for my advise on how to deal with who ever they have refreed to as 'Bast*rds!' I concluded therefore, that Mr K's trust in my propensity towards this group of people is well placed. I digressed. I have met all sorts - even one or two who potray themselves as angels from heaven, only to show horns of visitors from hell when I least expected them to.

When Mr. K called me ten minutes after the email, I knew he was duely disturbed. He already had the dagger in his hand, and wanted me to just say - Go!!

I 'potong stim!' I poured cold water on his red hot neck. I asked him, "Does that bast*rd knows that you are angry with him?"
"No!" he said.
"Then why gets angry.....unless you tell him you are angry with him, there is no point in getting all worked up. Now you are the only one suffering while he goes on happily thinking you guys are good friends" I told him.
"Then what do you suggest?" He asked.
I said, "Tell him how you really feel towards him - and tell him the reason why, then tell him what do you expect from him!"
My friend replied, "I can't do that."
And I said, "Then no point in being angry!. Just drop the case.....why torture yourself while he goes on living like there is nothing wrong. Forgive him and moves on....."
"In that case, I will speak with him and let him know my feeling." my friend said.
"Yes, that is the right thing to do....! and maybe you guys can work it out after all!" I said.

Another recent experience was my communication with a lady in distress. She had recently went through a divorce, and he 'ex-hubby' has caused much anguish to her life for reasons best known to her. She wrote on her FB recently that she chose to send a text message to her 'ex-dear-beloved' to wish him well, good health, and happiness with his new love. Wow, I mean wow, what a huge hearted gesture. That is taking control of one's emotion and managing one's anger positively. As a result, her 'ex-dear-beloved' reciprocated with some text messages back! Wonderful. Marriage contract maybe broken, but friendship lives on. Afterall, the two of them shared a few decades together and still are parents to their children. Good sense prevails. That is what, in my view, anger management is all about. To let your good sense prevails!

Just last week, my wife and I had a little disagreement over a sensitive subject. We argued it out. We discussed and reasoned. She expressed her opinions, and how I have offended and hurt her feeling. I listened. I then described some of the changes in her ways which have affected how I was feeling. We argued some more, listened and discussed some possible solutions. All those took place over a couple of days, and in calm and controlled manner without anger. Marriages need constant 'open discussion sessions' in order to turn differences into reasons to be stronger and closer!


Being all worked up without telling the person concerned is just inflicting pain and agony to oneself.
Unless he or she knows what are bothering you - there is little chance that he can do anything about it, or even be affected by it the way you hope he would be affected.


My point is, unless you get some positive response out of being angry - don't bother choosing that emotive reaction to any actions thrusted or imposed upon you! Choose to forgive instead!


I don't get angry - I always choose to clear the air with people. But not everyone reciprocates, and that is fine too. For instance there is this one person who all of a sudden pull the plug on me. Worse, it was like a whole lot of sh*t was thrown in my direction - and I don't even know why! My reaction - first I apologised even though I didn't know what caused the aggravation. When my apologies went without responce - I did what any self-respecting man would do. I choose to erase the person from my life.
Erased! My page is clean again. My concience clear. No vengenace, no lingering thoughts.


A younger me would have said, "Go to hell!", but I have left that sort of behaviour long behind me now. I am no longer capable of hating anyone. I forgive all, and bear revenge to none.

"Only dogs bite the hands......!" - a quote I cant even remember its entire form. But I know I am allergic to dogs. And it is safer to keep away from biting dogs!

.....

I wrote the above while watching the American Idol top 12. Musics has special effect in soothing the nerves and bring a sense of peace. For others, perhaps the sound of rain fall. I also know of people who find peace and calming effect from the rumbling sound of rolling waves. Whatever works for you, use the external stimulus to your advantage.

Make good sense put of the situation!