Coping with the middle-aged...

Ok, so I have been told that I don't look my age. Of course, I feel good every time someone said that! And I assumed they meant, I look younger! hahaha....but what if, what if they actually meant I look older than fifty....that will be the day I will stop blogging. Khalasssss!!! I have actually seen people looking aged beyond their years. Of course, we don't go saying, "Ermmm - you really look older than your age..." Not if we still can count to ten!

The most tricky is when someone asked us to guess what their ages are? Especially if the person who ask is a woman and she looks past her prime. I have a confession - if I am in a situation like that I always substract ten years from my true guess. No, play it safe guys....don't go with FIVE ...but go with TEN!!! So if the lady is about 45 in your best estimate after glancing at the loose skin around her neck, guess 35! She will be delighted and you will have her full attention for the rest of the afternoon, and if you are lucky may even be extended to a late night supper. And if in the course of the conversation she reveals that she has a twenty-something-daughter - don't go with a lame "Oh I see"...Noooooooooooooo!!! never...!!! Instead go with a "No way...tell me you are kidding.....!!! Your eldest can't be more than fifteen ....unless you were married really young!" and gaze into her eyes with a dreamy-i-am-flirting-with you look while saying that. I bet you she will love it ...and will play into extra time on making you tell her more and more that she looks thirty-five. Middle-aged women loved to be wooed, flirted, desired. You see, most forty-something women know through their female instinct that their husbands harbour secret desires to swap them with two-twenty-something-girls. So to be at the receiving end of attention is a welcome change. But beware if you cross the limit from flirting to advancing - they will hiss and piss you like a wild cobra! Never read desire for flirtation as a come-maul-me signal. They are not as straight forward and easy as your typical twenty-something-take-away girls found at most night clubs. They are sophisticated ( read as complicated and confused ). While you are at it, go for a full course: mention how elegantly she dresses......pay particular attention to her shoes and handbags. And always, compliments her eyes and the way she smiles....! Just when she thought you are through with your compliments - just whispers quietly, almost to yourself, "Your husband is a very lucky man.....".
One thing you must always remember is ....never tell her " Wow you look so very sihat!" or else you risk making her lose her appetite. Nooo.....not just for the food, but also in talking with you. 'Sihat' is not for you to tell a woman....it is for her doctors!

There are two things middle aged men don't like for anyone to tell them - 1. One is something getting 'lesser' - their hair, and 2. and another is something getting "bigger" - their waist. There is an unwritten rule of social grace for people to say something like, "My oh my - the longer I have not met you the younger you look! You are looking great my friend" when you meet a middle-aged man whom you have not seen a long time. Never mind that he looked jagged and scruffy and old. He will soon forget how tired or how old he really is ....he will be brimming with happiness and cheer. Try it.....! You will get an instant result. Unless of course the man has been subjected to so much abuse that he needs a little more than one praise to put him up-right again.
Talking about abuse, please allow me to digress ....with a para on it.
Abuse - we parents are the best cuplrits. We do without intending. We add an adjectives or two in jest, such as "Adik tembam", "Abang malas". The next time you are angry with your children - pause and count to twenty. If the words dancing on your lips have any of the negative adjectives then you may be guilty of abuse. What they hear from their parents, their mind will remember and the brain will keep repeating to them until they starts believing it is true. Your son or daughter will prove you right, and will make sure he or she will be 'tembam' and 'malas'.

"Orang tua ni pekak ka.....dah berkali2 kita cakap bukan nya dia nak dengar!" I once overheard a young woman mumbling to an elderly man she was pushing on a wheel-chair at a hospital, and of all places in Kuala Lumpur. I felt like giving the woman a tight slap on her face! But of course I didn't. Instead I said, "Ayah ka?". I found out that she was a daughter-in-law!
If she spoke softer - with love and compassion - I am sure the man could have heard her. I even think he pretended he did not hear a word because it was easier that way.
The words, 'Orang Tua" itself is not liked by middle-aged men. It is considered rude....
I personally hate it when refered to as 'Tua'.

Now even a few of my blog readers are unsure what to address me as...."Abang' or "Pakcik / Uncle". These kind of dilemma is unique to Malaysians. In Europe you don't find people addressing strangers by 'uncle' or 'brother'. If there is a need to show respect, than they address the person as a Mister so-and-so. But I am Malaysian and my readers are mainly Malaysians too. So we should be forgiven for reverting to our cultural norms.
Ok, this is my rule of thumbs.
1. If you are the same age as his ( eldest ) child, then you can call the middle-aged men as Pak Cik or Uncle.
2. If your children are the same age as his (youngest) child, then you may call him Mr. So-n-so or Abang So-n-so. But never just abang.......unless you are his sweetheart or share the same parents.
3. Regardless of your age, it is safe and appropriate to call him by his name.....and a salutation of Mister So-n-so is always acceptable.

There is a quote, "Age considers; youth ventures". With age, men tend to think a lot more about things said and things that happened. As a result too, they tend to be more sensitive.
Unfortunately - the belief that with age comes wisdom is only a myth. Nothing is guranteed to come with age except wrinkles. hehehehe. Even the belief that age is like wine - the older the better is also conditional to having grapes of good grade in the first place.

Perhaps because I am an optimist and live my life with enthusiasm, I particularly like this quote, "None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm".
I try not to keep company with pessismist, stay away from the skeptics, and shy away from the perfectionists and realists. I find perfectionists as cause for stress.....afterall who are we kidding trying to achieve perfection in this real world of dents and damages, of wear and tear!

Before I am labelled of displaying an old-man's syndrome of not knowing when to stop blabbering, let me end with this quote from George Bernard Shaw, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing!".
If you don't want to play with me.....please get out of the way, so that I can play with those who are willing. Thank you......