Common dreams - between spouses~!

My neighbor in Saudi, Steve,  broke up with his wife of twenty years. He fell hard - shattering not only his heart but his dreams.His wife had gone for a vacation to their home country, and called in to say she was not coming back. Not only she was not coming back, she wanted out of his life.True to their culture, she was honest. "I have found another man, and he is accepting me for who I am!"

He poured his heart out to me after a session at the snooker table.

I listened, with an occasional emphatic groans and understanding nods.

I wish I could tell him, "Bunga bukan sekuntum, lagi pun tak berterusan harum!" I didn't. He would have been very confused with the Malaysian words of wisdom. When a man has given all of his twenty years trying to achieve his dreams, which he thought was their shared dreams and have just gone through a shattering divorce, I must accept all of his sorrows without judgement.

Separation through a divorce is more painful than through death! Especially when there are no proper closures.

"I only plan to work here for another five years. Then we would have enough in our bank account to tour the world, to walk the golden sand holding hands, to sit watching sun-sets, and to simply pause and smell the roses! That was our dreams...to own a house by a sea resort in Spain, and retire happily ever after!" He told me.

It was his dream. His wife, although have shared the same bed for twenty years, was harboring a different dream. The sad thing was, for me, he didn't realize that and didn't see what was coming.

On hindsight, I have seen the clues for the past one year we have been neighbors. The forlorn look on his wife's face. The long hours she spent on her laptop by the pool side. The frequent phone calls she had to take by slipping out of their house. I have been seeing those, but i too thought that was normal.

There are two points I wish to make.

The first point is about sharing a dream - a couple who shares the same dream tend to be happier and to stay together. What ever the dream is, it is only worth pursuing if every of the stake-holders believe, share, and own the dream. In a family, husband, wife, and children are all stake-holders. Decision about where to live, what to spend on, where to go for vacations, and what happiness mean, must be a joint decision. Of course, as a husband and father, the man of the house is normally expected to take the lead. But, to involve everyone he must!

Dreams not shared, could easily turn into nightmares! Steve had to find it the hard way - when it was too late!

The second point is about detecting troubles well ahead of time. There are visual indicators which couples should be wary of. A sudden change in mood of your spouse, should trigger sufficient sensitivity for a conversation to find out what are bothering him/ or her. A change in ritual activities; for example if a spouse keeps disappearing into the laundry room to take a phone call, that should raise alarm bells. Genuine ccuriosity into the state of emotion of your spouse is a necessary element of a healthy relationship. A 'Don't care' attitude can breed contempt. Contempt, if left unattended can manifest into an explosive rage. Then, it will be too late.

A man or woman who feels that he / or she is taken for granted is vulnerable to external advances. Not taken seriously as an equal partner in the pursuit of a common dream can make one feels that he/ or she is not valued. Lack of sensitivity from a partner in caring about the feeling of the other, can re-enforce that notion.

All of us can learn from Steve's experience.
Steve said, "If only I knew, she didn't want that Villa in Spain and was unhappy while keeping me company in Saudi, I wouldn't have worked so hard. I could have gone back to England with her, and she would have been happy and our marriage might have been saved!"
He knew, but too late.

Hopefully, it is not yet too late for us!

My life: a silly reflection...

In a life so full of drama, I have gone through the ups and down like everyone else. Along the way, I have taken people up with me, and a few followed me down the cliff too. For a life which most time has been spent treading deep waters, and some other time spent tip-toeing slippery slopes, I have been lucky to still be standing on firm ground. To God my undivided gratitude! I have been living right on the edge!

A wise man once told me, "Unless you dare to go to the edge, you won't be able to see very far!" Like any gullible man, I have taken the words of the wise man, unquestioningly.

I wish the wise man has also said, "However, young man, you may wish to know that very often what we see depends on what is within us not what is out there!"

The popular saying, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!" supports what I have just said. Whether or not one sees the landscape as full of thorny bushes or of flowering roses, is personal to the beholder. Eyes, are windows to our heart - both outside in, as well as inside out!

One can choose to see a glass half empty or half full! One can see problems as blockages or as hurdles which eliminate competitions. One can see cracks in the walls as dents, or as spaces where light can shines through. I always try to see the good side of things...

Yes, I have tasted failures. Many~! I failed my A-level. I failed my second year in University. I failed this and i failed that. I was living too close to the edge, I fell face down many times. Each time, I got up and dusted myself, all the wiser! Scarred, but not scared! Repentent, but no regrets! I bounced back...with a few 'aha' moments to add to my notes about lessons from the school of hard-knocks! Today, by any measures of averages, my life and successes have been above average! Again, my full gratitude to God, the Compasionate and the Merciful~!

Just a few weeks ago, I lost close to one hundred grands (yes, five zeroes in the figure) because a property purchase deal went sour. I lost my 10 percent deposit. At first I was angry. I hurled profanities to a few - my lawyer, my bank, my real estate agent, and the seller. But mostly to myself!  My wife didn't say much, but what she said, sobered me up. "You have asked God to 'Permudahkan urusan jual beli of your properties'. You have made some profits, and this is the only time you think you lose. Maybe, by losing what you lost, prevents you from losing a lot more in the future. Should you not trust God?"

I was speechless. All I could do was to get up from my hot seat and went to  hug her with a kiss. My way of saying, thank you!

Sometimes, I worry for myself. Have I become so numbed to failures that I approach life with an out of place swagger ?  Confidence to the point of a fault, and turning myself into a cocky old man? Should I continue to throw caution to the winds, or should I take more deliberate steps in this rather late part of life's journey? Is there a need to continue to be at the edge, when in any case my eye sight does not permit me to see that far? The saying, "Go as far as you can see, when you get there you will see further!" I used to put up on my wall does not hold true much longer. My knees are weak. My back gives me pain. My eyes sight failing. Should I not be happy to simply find firm ground under my feet, and be happy where ever I am!

In a life already full of drama, I can say I have been there and done that. But honestly, who cares? People of today are too busy navigating their own lives, they have little time for your past, good or bad! They care for your present, and that too, if you are relevant to them.

The answer, therefore, is to remain relevant to people around you! To my family, I hope, I remain relevant in more ways than one. Sometimes, we do need a little reassurance.

I dread to think of my fate, once I become no longer relevant to anyone?

That was perhaps how DODO had become extinct! The silly old bird was of no use to any other living creatures, even to its own kind.

Performance Appraisal - at home?

Now is the time when most companies are doing their 'Performance Appraisal'. I wonder how would quality of marriages improve if we conduct 'Performance Appraisal' on the home front.
Imagine for a moment a scenario where husbands and wives sit down and provide formal feedback, once a year, about the performance of their spouses.
Perhaps, some broken marriages could have been saved!
Perhaps, many unhappy couple could be spared of the need to find happiness outside of their marriages!
Perhaps, some marriages would be broken, but both sides end up happier~!

I was looking at some of the 'Values' normally used by established organizations. While reflecting how the managers can use the values in providing feedback to their staff, I also reflected, perhaps the same values could be used on the home front - where husbands and wives can use them to provide feedback to their spouses.

To illustrate how effective this 'Performance Appraisal' can be on the home front, I have taken the liberty to fill in a 'mock' sample where a wife is giving feedback to her husband.

You can imagine for yourself how the actual discussion will take place.

CORE VALUES

1 Aspiration for Excellence:

(The inclination to pursue the best results beyond expectation, with passion.)

No dear! Your passion of excellence seems to have focused only on yourself. Often, you have left me hanging mid-way. Sometimes, you completed your job before I even shifted gear.  You need to take some lessons from how pilots fly airplanes; they normally slowly reverse out of parking lot, go on a slow  and deliberate drive looking for the run-way, ram up their engine, they whisper some kind of husky voice announcing and welcoming passengers, cabin crew offers hot towels and  some niceties, and  only then would the plane go into take off mode. You will notice that the plane sways from side to side while  gaining height, and it is a good 20 minutes before they go into cruise mode! And, dear, it is a long cruise mode! When they 'arrive' they don't just abandon! They reverse the process - slowly taking the plane into bay. The pilot and the plane always, I repeat always, 'arrive' together! I have to rate you poorly. Luckily, I have my DIY kit available for me to finish off what you don't!
Oh by the way, the bank has called ten times asking about the Porsche over due installment! They said, they will 'Tarik the Kereta!' if you don't pay up. Your 'Biar Papa Asal bergaya' lifestyle is not the kind of excellence I look for! I prefer you drive a Volkswagen, but using your own money!

2 Respect for Others:

(Value other people's opinions. Considerate of people's likes and dislikes. Sensitive to other people's feelings.)

 When I give you my opinion, you say I nag. When I don’t give my opinion, you say I am a slow fag. I like it if you will occasionally treat me like a princess, but you are apparently not sensitive to my likings. However your sensitivity is super fragile when I am not able to find your  misplaced car key, sun-glasses and everything else.  I don't remember you farting in front of your friends, not even once! But you do that all the time to my face! I think you are taking me for granted. I don't feel respected. Maybe because you think that I am smarter than you, that could be the reason you try to always put me down! You put me down, but you don't go down anymore....I used to love it when you did! Again, I rate you poorly, and for the record, treating other women as princesses do not count to your credit!

3 Quality at Minimum Cost:

(Ability to achieve the maximum quality at the lowest possible cost.)

I think you are superb in caring for cost, unfortunately you don’t really care about the quality. When you say, ‘Let us dine out!’ you often mean, let us go to Mac Donald! Your idea of a family vacation is to drive for 8 hours to visit your folks in the kampung. I am still waiting for a real vacation, maybe a two weeks tour of Europe. Why can't we change our curtains with Italian fabrics like the neighbors, not with material you buy from Nilai. Diamonds are a lady's best friend, dear, and NOT 'kaca!' for that reason, I keep the ring you gave for my last birthday, in the bottom drawer! I also found out that the LV handbag you said you bought in Singapore was a cheap version of fake. Which made we wonder if you have sneaked to Golok recently!

4 Sustainability:

(Strives to engage, enlighten, empower, and include all stakeholders for capacity building and participation.)

 At first when I read the word ‘sustainability’ I jumped to conclusion – “You are so lousy, can’t even sustain beyond 2 minutes!”Then I read again and understood the real meaning. It is not just about 'that' kind of sustainability, it is about other important things as well. It is also about empowerment and participation – giving as well as taking. It is also about engaging, and enlightening. Your way of engaging is not what is meant here. “Do this!” “Give me that!” “Bring here!” is called bullying! Leaving me sleepless alone while you take you-know-who out for dining and and listening to her whining, is far from empowering~! You fail badly in this criteria dear! Perhaps, even our marriage is not sustainable - who knows!

5 Safety at Work:

(Adhering to all safety protocols and to identify and report any risk elements.)

You have obviously learnt the wrong trait from Tiger Wood. You have more than once turned to me with a golf driver in your hand, when you become angry. I wonder why and how you can become so easily angry with me - but turn into the nicest man in the neighborhood to other desperate women out there! You have successfully made me scared of you, which I think is your intention right from the beginning so that I don't questions your decision or actions. To be honest, I feel much safe and at peace when ever you are not home. 


----

Pengalaman dari Tripoli ~!

Tripoli, Libya

by Mawar Normawati Mokhtar on Thursday, 24 February 2011 at 13:35

 Alhamdulillah saya n keluarga tiba di airport dubai mlm td . tgn sudah berhenti menggigil, tp hati ini masih terasa pilu..beribu2 org masih terdampar di airport Tripoli dlm kesejukan n kelaparan.  Keluarga embassy, ranhill n ACM masih gagal mendapatkan flight utk mereka pulang.  Dgrnya harini tidak ada plane luar dibenarkan mendarat di Libya. 

Keadaan di Tripoli semakin buruk. Jet pejuang n helicopter tentera MG ada di ruang udara. Tentera ada di mana dan sesiapa yg dirasakan perlu utk ditembak mereka akan tembak begitu aje. Keadaan amat tidak selamat selepas asar. Ramai org awam telah bersenjata selepas mereka membakar balai2 polis di Tripoli. Yg amat membahayakan MG mempunyai askar upahan luar utk membunuh rakyatnya, kerana army Libya sudah tidak sanggup membunuh sesame sendiri. Bunyi  tembakan kedengangan amat jelas dr medina Tripoli pd waktu malam. 

Company tempat suami berkerja, berjaya mendapatkan tiket utk 66 pekerkanya di Tripoli pulang negara masing sehingga keadaan aman kembali melalui offnya di cairo.  Amat sukar utk berhubung sesama sendiri..line tel down sejak beberapa hari yg lps. Hill mengarahkan pekerja2nya utk ke airport pagi semlm, 24 hours sebelum flight kerana takut xdpt masuk..ramai org yg terlepas flight kerana semua pintu masuk telah di block oleh ribuan manusia yg telah berkampung ntah sejak bila. Airport Tripoli telah tidak beroperasi, oleh itu tidak ramai pekerja yg ada. Nak sampai kea airport juga kami terpaksa berjalan jauh dgn beg2 kerana tiada kenderaan dibenarkan masuk. Semakin beransur ptg semakin ramai..sgt ramai...kebanyakan mereka adalah egyption, Turkish n Tunisia.. 4.2bil eyption ada di Libya...hampir menyamai jumlah rakyat Libya itu sendiri.  Mereka tidak ada tiket n dtg ke airport menunggu flight dr negara masing2. 

Saya n anak2 juga tidak dpt masuk kedlm...mencari kwn2 lain juga ntah di mana..nak tel pun xbole...kami duduk di tepi jln menunggu hari esok. Selepas jam 7 mlm cuaca semakin sejuk n kami mula menggigil. Saya xdpt nak membayangkan ketika itu bagaimana nak bermalam ditgh ribuan manusia yg setiap minit semakin ramai. Cuaca di Tripoli pd mlm hari masih below than 10’c. Alhamdulillah jam 8am ada seorang petugas airport ingin membantu kami masuk kedlm..punyalah terkial2 mengangkat beg2 n anak2 melalui blok manusia n beg2 yg terdampar siap utk tidur agaknya. seperti yg dijangka itu bukan khidmad percuma.. 200usd !! . Xpelah itu rezeki dia yg penting kami dpt masuk n dilm lebih selamat. Airport Tripoli jauh lebih kecil dr KLIA..ketika itu separuh ruang sudah dipenuhi org...dgn kepulan asap rokok berkepul2 di ruang udara. Org2 north Africa amat kuat merokok.  

Terasa sungguh lambat masa berlalu mlm itu..mata sgt mengantuk tp mendengar kanak2 n bayi menangis di luar terasa sungguh sebak..bagaimana mereka kesejukan dlm hujan renyai2...mereka tidak ada tiket hanya menunggu kemungkinan yg tidak pasti...n mereka akan berada disitu terus menunggu bersama anak2 n beg2 yg byk. Tidak ada restoran utk mkn n kemudahan toilet yg teruk. Saya wuduk disebelah najis2 yg berserakan...jam 6 pagi sudah tidak ada ruang utk bergerak...payahnya nak check in..berhimpit2..anak2 saya ntah berapa kali terkepit ditgh2 beg...keadaan tolak menolak amat mendebarkan.  

Hampir 3 jam check-in..terasa sungguh lega..perut dah berkeroncong dr semlm xmkn. Kena tunggu lama plak baru gate bukak..xsabar nak bfast dlm plane..selepas dpt duduk terasa syukur tp terbayang2 wajah2 penuh harapan ribuan yg masih di luar. Hampir 2 jam baru flight...n terkebil2 bila dimaklumkan xde mknan dlm our flight..agaknya sbb airportpun dah tutup..5 jam Tripoli to dubai. Mkn angin ajelah...Selagi xkeluar dr ruang udara Libya terasa seram aje memandangkan ada jet pejuang di mana2....mendarat di dubai jam 8mlm.. kerana delay punyalah lama di Tripoli so we miss our flight to KL.


 Mlm td tidur plak kat airport dubai..masih menunggu urusan tiket..jgnlah kena tidur disini lg mlm ni..kami diberikan lounge n mkn sepanjang di sini oleh afriqiyah airlines..pertama kali saya tidak gembira utk pulang ke mal..tidak terbayang goreng pisang yg menunggu seperti sebelum ini.. asyik terfikir bagaimana jutaan manusia termasuk 100++ rakyat mal termasuk org2 kedutaan yg masih tidak tahu bagaimana utk menghubungi mereka. 

Setakat hari ini rusuhan sudah mengorbankan lebih 1000 org..terasa sungguh letih setelah 2 hari tidak tidur..tp itu semua amat kecil berbanding kesukaran org lain yg masih tiada harapan utk keluar..seluruh warga Libya yg berdepan dgn  peperangan berdarah..semoga Allah memberikan kemudahan n pengakhiran yg baik utk semua yg berlaku ini...terima kasih kpd kawan2 yg mendokan keselamatan kami..saya masih di airport dubai bersama seorang rakan yg hampir bersalin bila2 masa...


(Tuan punya blog mendoakan penulis, Puan Mawar dan keluarga supaya selamat dan di lindungi Allah. Terimakasih kerana berkongsi pengalaman ini. Marilah kita sama2 berdoa agar Muslimin dan Muslimah di Libya selamat dari malapetaka manusia puaka ini. Ya Allah, makbulkanlah setiap doa dari pembaca blog ini...ameeeennnnn!)

"Jika abang nak kawin lagi, saya izinkan...."

Men, or Muslim men to be specific, when they hit 40+ face their mid-life crisis. Some feel the need to validate their 'manhood', and for this group they somehow think that such validation has higher value if done by a 20 something, gullible and bunny eyed dolly~! Others simply has the urge to answer the call of nature to pollinate as many ovaries as he possibly could - including those belonging to public figures called whores.

There are men who are able to shake their heads in disapproval of such behaviors described above - in tandem with their hypocrisy! For all men, regardless of upbringing and status of their marriage bear secret fantasies to have dirty weekends with their neighbors' wives.

Such bold statements I am making above.

The real difference between respectable men from those 'ulat bulu' lies in their ability to control their desires. In situations where his intention to marry again has comes to a point of no return, to be truthful about it with his existing wife. Many wives loathe the deceit more than the actual act! If something has to  be done, then do so with dignity!

Men who play the field should also be truthful when courting potential new partners. I personally despise anyone who claims to be 'single' in the presence of potential 'preys' in the hope of misleading the gullible dollies to his harem. A married man also, should not turn into oscar winning actor by telling made-up-sob-stories about his so-called-failing marriage. This opportunistic act takes advantage of women's psychological make-up, that each one believes she can 'change him' and make him happy! A birth-mark fallacy of many women!

On the flip side, since Islam has made provisions for Muslim men to marry as many as four wives at the same time, provided prescribed conditions are met, then wives of men who have the desires and who qualify should be more open in discussing their husbands' needs.

To simply dismiss and close the subject with remarks like, "Ok kalau you nak kawin, ceraikan i~!" or "Memang you ni lelaki gatal - dah tua2 tak sedar diri~!" or any other versions to similar effect, is to only provide 'justification' for their husbands to have affairs or to have 'Secret Marriages'.

A man, has the capacity to love more than one wife. In fact, I would go one step further by saying, a man who has more than one wife, provided his first wife consent to the second marriage, tends to multiply not divide the love he has for his wives.

"Saya izinkan...." is musics to men's ears. I interact with many 40 and 50 something men - most of whom are not even physically fit to row one boat ashore, what more to steer two or three over rolling waves of lust. Back pain, knee problems, or simply 'manhood' issues - should be reminders to take life easy not start new journeys on forbidden paths. To the contrary, it is more common for men of such fate who feel the need to validate their 'manhood'! For these people and for their sake, I hope, even if the wives say, "Saya izinkan....", they will not be doing it!  They should be scared stiff, pardon the pun, that they would decide to be where they belong, at home, preparing to grow gracefully.

If and when a husband of many years asks for permission, truthfully, then I am inclined to encourage the wife to say, "Saya izinkan...." and add, as a matter of factly,
 "Abang tu boleh ka? ....errmmm, nanti isteri muda abang tu kecewa, batin nya terseksa! Jika abang sakit tak boleh bangun, dah tak bergaji, sanggup kah dia terus jaga abang? Saya juga kalau ada jodoh, mungkin akan kawin lain bang, so jangan fikir saya akan menunggu abang datang balek ya?"

By empowering your men - you are empowering yourselves. You become the master of your own destiny!

Wooof Wooffff....they will come begging for you not to ditch them. Try it...!
Most men are creatures of 'attachment'. Once they have become attached to you, your caring, nursing, and nurturing, they will find it hard to leave if you show them leaving is a real option!

As in all assumptions, there are exceptions. For example, for a few, it is better for you to throw his fantasies out of the door and say to him, "Boy...Go fetch!" And as he runs chasing, his tongue salivating, you may close the door and with a shrug of the shoulder say to yourself, "Good riddance~!"
Most men, like the canine species, enjoy the thrill of the chase. Once they get the old piece of wood between their teeth, they will be coming back wagging their tails. Most men who leave their first wife, regret the decision once the novelty wears off, and the conniving little dolly starts to fart in their face~!

A friend of mine who has left his wife of twenty odd years to marry a twenty something once said to me, "Pin, aku sekarang terpaksa bangun malam2 untuk buat susu anak, tukar lampin...padahal, dengan bini dulu, tujuh anak, sekali pun aku tak pernah! Sedih jugak bila dah tua2 ni aku jadi takut kepada bini muda nih!"
I tried to console him by saying, "Worth it lah....you have got yourself a sweet young thing, right~!"
To which, to my surprise, he replied, "I am stressed...she is young, and I am not able to cope! Every time she verbally abused me lah for not satisfying her~!"
He added, with his voice turning into a whisper, "I regret divorcing my first wife. But what to do, she does not want me back any more!"

I over simplify, I know. But then again, do we really need to over complicate it?

Wives are gifted with special 'vibes'...don't play-play~!

I am glad to be of help. Even if helping simply means listening and asking some relevant questions. This morning, a friend shared how she discovered that her husband of ten years was having an affair with another woman. While listening to her story, I come to learn a few lessons about life. There are two in particular, which I derived from one part of the conversation (Via FB), which I wish to share here.

Her story (produced here with her permission), in a few lines:

"i x tau pun dier ader affair

sumer kantoi nyer hal

tuhan tu maha kaya

i ikhlas ngan dier

so semua bukti tu i dpt

dier jenuh dok sorok

i rasa x sedap hati .... sbb tgk dier mcm dah lain

tanya dier of cos la x ngaku kan

then i doa je lah

kalau betul la apa aku sangka ni ya allah tolong la tunjukkan bukti

pooff! satu2 bukti mai

now i have all his pix n sex tape dgn pompuan tu

while he's still married to me!"

The power of a wife's prayer!

"Ya Allah tolong la tunjukkan bukti!"

She had some 'uneasy feeling' that her husband was undergoing some change, and was keeping something from her. She did what she was taught to do, she turned to Allah for help.

Although she didn't like what she found out, she was relieved from the burden of suspicion. God has answered her do'a and she got all the evidence.

She and her (ex)husband ended with a divorce and the ex(husband) did marry the other woman.

A wife's intuition!

"i rasa x sedap hati..."

God creates women with many strengths. One of them is, a gift of intuition. A mother, for instance can 'feel' the feeling of her children. A wife, can 'feel' if her husband is cheating on her. The difference is, some wives would investigate, and others choose to ignore the 'vibes'. But, 'vibes' they do have...~!

As an additonal resource to readers, I pasted below what I found on a website.

Cheating Husband - Facts and Advice

Listed below are the most common findings about cheating husbands.

• Men are more likely than women to cheat. It is estimated that close to 50% of all men will cheat at some point in their lives.

• Husbands are also more likely to engage in online cheating – using chat rooms, webcams and online services to arrange sexual encounters

• The more money a husband makes, the more likely he is to be unfaithful. Having more money brings more opportunity and wealth tends to attract more women.

• A lack of sexual excitement or the routine of having sex with the same person often leads men to stray. Men are more likely to be drawn to the thrill of having sex with someone new (also see, Coolidge Effect).

• Husbands are less likely than wives to consider leaving their spouse when having an affair (see, will he leave his wife)

• A cheating husband is more likely to have an affair with someone who is younger than his wife.

• When having a one-night stand, men are less choosy than women when it comes to selecting someone to have sex with.

• Husbands are more likely to feel that cheating is justified due to the lack of sex within a marriage.

• Husbands are much more likely than wives to be serial cheaters (also see, husband constantly cheats and cheating husband survey)

Re-branding oneself!

Brand is normally associated with products! We buy certain brands because we believe in the promises made by the brands through advertisements or through their sheer image or prestige! To illustrate, today I bought an iphone4 as a birthday present for my wife because I believe it is the coolest thing to have right now, and I don't have to hint to her it is expensive, she know it is~! Thus the iphone4 as a brand gives the perception of expensive, and cool thing to have~! In marketing we call this as the brand positioning!

Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I am reminded of 'me' as a brand. With each wink I give to myself, I reinforce my own 'brand' - Confident, Optimistic, and Fun Loving~! (I hope so lah anyway! hahaha). The way I dress, reflects me as a brand too - smart & casual, not too loud nor too dull, professional yet warm! My work ethics and my behavior speak the loudest about my 'professionalism as a brand', continuously raising the bar for myself and for others around me, and always curious about how things can be done better~! (Once again, please allow me to perasan a little bit lah. hahaha).

I do believe by 'branding' oneself - it can serve as one of the most effective ways to stand out in this over crowded world, at work place and in social setting.

Simon Cowell of the American Idol earned tons of money through his brand as 'Mr. Nasty' who wore tight T Shirt on the show. 

Beckham, branded himself as the player who is known the world over for his 'Bend it like Beckham!'
Even if your intention is not get rich, branding yourself can do wonders to your own sense of self-worth!

I was once branded as a 'Romeo'! People branded me based on what people see, hear, reading what I write, and what others have said about me. True or otherwise, others' perception is reality to them. I can't change that. I can change the way I am, which hopefully will change the way people perceive me. 

I have re-launched myself my times over. Amongst other things, I did it by being more selective in the topics I chose to write in my blog. I re-branded myself, also, by taking different type of roles in the society; for example I led the Malaysian Association in UAE for one term and hosted many social events for Malaysians at our home in Dubai. Those activities managed to shape people's perception in certain ways.

It is never too late to re-launch yourself!

If you have just resigned from a terrible job and is moving on to a new employer - then seize the opportunity to re-launch yourself!

If you have just come out from a bad relationship, and want to move on in life - it is a good time to re-brand yourself. 

The best brand for you is - to be yourself! To let your inner-self come out in the open, leveraging on your strengths and your passion. To be able to lower your guard, to be confident with what you have to say, and be comfortable with who you are - that is the most sustainable brand you can wish for.

That is common sense, you may say!

It is, except that it is not so commonly practiced.

So very often, we brand ourselves not the way we are, but the way we think others want to see us! So we suppressed our thoughts, we even wear clothes which are approved by our social circles, and be seen at places where others expect us to be! 

What is your "brand?" Think about it...Whether you like it or not, you are being branded by others. It is time you take control of your 'brand' and communicate clearly, in the way you behave, dress, talk, circle of friends you keep, and things you do and own. The message must be about who you are!

Di jangka 9000 Pelajar Malaysia dari Mesir akan di pindahkan ke Saudi!

Setakat hari ini, sudah 2000+ pelajar Malaysia dari Mesir sudah di pindahkan ke Jeddah Saudi Arabia, sebagai langkah penyelamatan oleh kerajaan Malaysia. Ada yang bujang dan ramai juga yang berkeluarga bersama anak2 kecil. Ada yang murung, ada juga yang bersemangat tinggi menceriakan suasana, menyembunyi perasaan di hati - keliru, redha, takut, pasrah bercampur aduk. Terlalu ramai yang datang sehelai sepinggang, tidak berwang.

Di Jeddah ada lebih kurang 800 Malaysians yang berdaftar dengan Consulate.

Alhamdullillah, pihak Consulate dan Tabung Haji, serta Malaysia Airline begitu prihatin bertungkus lumus tidak mengenal penat lelah demi anak bangsa, tanpa mengira parti politik apakah di dokong mereka!

Lebih membanggakan apabila sukarelawan, dan Kelab Malaysian Jeddah (KMJ), turut di barisan hadapan menyalurkan tenaga dan sumbangan material.

Di adakan bilik gerakan di kediaman penempatan sementara, dan jika ada ibu bapa saudara mara ingin hubungi, boleh telefon di number ini.

Bilik Operasi Kompleks Tabung Haji Madinatul Hujjaz, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia


Tel: 00 966 2630 16 38 atau  00 966 5671 55 710

Di beritakan, anggaran pelajar yang akan di pindahkan ke Jeddah akan menyentuh 9000 semuanya.

Persoalan :

Adakah pelajar-pelajar yang dibawa keluar dari Mesir yang berada di Arab Saudi sekarang layak menerima zakat atau tidak?

Jawapan :

1. Dari sudut situasi mereka :

Andai kita melihat kepada situasi mereka yang akan dibawa pulang ke Malaysia dan melakukan transit di Jeddah terlebih dahulu, kita dapati sebahagian besar daripada mereka langsung tidak ada persediaan untuk bermusafir pulang ke Malaysia.

Ini dapat dilihat kerana sebahagian daripada mereka ada yang datang sehelai sepinggang tanpa membawa bekalan kewangan atau pakaian yang cukup.

Ada juga daripada mereka yang bersiap untuk pulang ke Malaysia tetapi kerana terkandas di lapangan terbang Mesir beberapa hari menyebabkan duit poket habis digunakan untuk membeli makanan di lapangan terbang yang harganya melambung tinggi dan ditambah buruk lagi apabila duit tidak dapat diambil melalui mesin ATM.Akibatnya keadaan mereka juga terputus bekalan kewangan untuk pulang ke Malaysia.

2. Melihatkan situasi mereka sebegini adakah ada ruang untuk mereka menerima zakat daripada mereka yang berkemampuan?

Jawabnya YA!

Dalilnya diterangkan oleh Allah Ta'ala dalam surah at Taubah ayat 60:

ﭽ ﮠ ﮡ ﮢ ﮣ ﮤ ﮥ ﮦ ﮧ ﮨ ﮩ ﮪ ﮫ ﮬ ﮭ ﮮ ﮯ ﮰﮱ ﯓ ﯔ ﯕﯖ ﯗ ﯘ ﯙ ﯚ ﭼ التوبة: ٦٠

Maksudnya : Sesungguhnya sedekah-sedekah (zakat) itu hanyalah untuk orang-orang fakir, dan orang-orang miskin, dan amil-amil yang mengurusnya, dan orang-orang muallaf yang dijinakkan hatinya, dan untuk hamba-hamba yang hendak memerdekakan dirinya, dan orang-orang yang berhutang, dan untuk (dibelanjakan pada) jalan Allah, dan orang-orang musafir (yang keputusan bekal) dalam perjalanan. (Ketetapan hukum yang demikian itu ialah) sebagai satu ketetapan (yang datangnya) dari Allah. Dan (ingatlah) Allah Maha Mengetahui, lagi Maha Bijaksana. (60)

Antara asnaf lapan atau mereka yang layak menerima zakat ialah lapan golongan, salah satu daripada lapan golongan ini yang disebutkan oleh Allah Ta'ala ialah Ibn Sabil (orang-orang musafir (yang keputusan bekal) dalam perjalanan).

3. Apakah pendapat ulama' dalam menafsirkan ibn Sabil dalam ayat di atas?

 Imam at Tabari dalam tafsirnya Jami' al Bayan menafsirkan Ibn Sabil orang yang bermusafir dari satu Negara ke Negara yang lain.

 Berkata Imam Ibn Kathir dalam tafsirnya Tafsir al Quran al Azim Ibn Sabil ialah Orang yang merantau dan tidak mempunyai bekalan untuk meneruskan perjalanannya,maka hendaklah diberi zakat dan sedekah kepadanya untuk sampai ke Negara yang berikutnya.

 Syeikh Qardhawi menyebut maksud Ibn Sabil dalam kitabnya Fiqh Zakat: Di sisi Jumhur Ulama, Ibn Sabil ialah orang bermusafir dari satu Negara ke satu Negara.

Dari Ibn Zaid katanya : 'Ibn Sabil ialah orang yang bermusafir sama ada kaya atau miskin, tiba-tiba dalam masa perjalanannya di timpa musibah sama ada kehilangan bekalan,rosak bekalan tersebut atau kehabisan bekalan yang dibawa, maka wajib mereka dibantu dengan zakat dan sedekah.

Kesimpulannya :

Jadi di sini bolehlah kita simpulkan daripada pendapat Ulama' bahawa zakat boleh diberikan kepada pelajar-pelajar Mesir yang berada di Jeddah untuk membantu dari segi kewangan mereka sehinggalah mereka selamat sampai di Malaysia sekali pun mereka tergolong dalam orang yang kaya di tanah air sendiri berdalilkan hadith Rasulullah SAW :

عن أبي سعيد الخدري، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: لا تحل الصدقة لغني إلا لثلاثة: في سبيل الله، أو ابن السبيل، أو رجل كان له جار فتصدق عليه، فأهداها له

Maksudnya : Dari Abi Said al Khudri dari Nabi SAW bersabda : "Tidak halal sedekah(zakat) kepada orang kaya kecuali dalam tiga keadaan : Dalam jihad di jalan Allah atau Ibn Sabil atau seseorang (yang kaya) yang mempunyai jiran lalu ia bersedakah kepada jirannya kemudian jirannya memberi hadiah kepadanya."

Wallah hu aklam!

Latest: Kumpulan pertama 400 pelajar yang di pindahkan ke Jeddah sudah berlepas pulang ke tanah air.

Penghargaan kita kepada Kerajaan Saudi kerana memberi ruang dan bersedia menerima penindahan warga negara Malaysia ke negara ini.