"Jika abang nak kawin lagi, saya izinkan...."

Men, or Muslim men to be specific, when they hit 40+ face their mid-life crisis. Some feel the need to validate their 'manhood', and for this group they somehow think that such validation has higher value if done by a 20 something, gullible and bunny eyed dolly~! Others simply has the urge to answer the call of nature to pollinate as many ovaries as he possibly could - including those belonging to public figures called whores.

There are men who are able to shake their heads in disapproval of such behaviors described above - in tandem with their hypocrisy! For all men, regardless of upbringing and status of their marriage bear secret fantasies to have dirty weekends with their neighbors' wives.

Such bold statements I am making above.

The real difference between respectable men from those 'ulat bulu' lies in their ability to control their desires. In situations where his intention to marry again has comes to a point of no return, to be truthful about it with his existing wife. Many wives loathe the deceit more than the actual act! If something has to  be done, then do so with dignity!

Men who play the field should also be truthful when courting potential new partners. I personally despise anyone who claims to be 'single' in the presence of potential 'preys' in the hope of misleading the gullible dollies to his harem. A married man also, should not turn into oscar winning actor by telling made-up-sob-stories about his so-called-failing marriage. This opportunistic act takes advantage of women's psychological make-up, that each one believes she can 'change him' and make him happy! A birth-mark fallacy of many women!

On the flip side, since Islam has made provisions for Muslim men to marry as many as four wives at the same time, provided prescribed conditions are met, then wives of men who have the desires and who qualify should be more open in discussing their husbands' needs.

To simply dismiss and close the subject with remarks like, "Ok kalau you nak kawin, ceraikan i~!" or "Memang you ni lelaki gatal - dah tua2 tak sedar diri~!" or any other versions to similar effect, is to only provide 'justification' for their husbands to have affairs or to have 'Secret Marriages'.

A man, has the capacity to love more than one wife. In fact, I would go one step further by saying, a man who has more than one wife, provided his first wife consent to the second marriage, tends to multiply not divide the love he has for his wives.

"Saya izinkan...." is musics to men's ears. I interact with many 40 and 50 something men - most of whom are not even physically fit to row one boat ashore, what more to steer two or three over rolling waves of lust. Back pain, knee problems, or simply 'manhood' issues - should be reminders to take life easy not start new journeys on forbidden paths. To the contrary, it is more common for men of such fate who feel the need to validate their 'manhood'! For these people and for their sake, I hope, even if the wives say, "Saya izinkan....", they will not be doing it!  They should be scared stiff, pardon the pun, that they would decide to be where they belong, at home, preparing to grow gracefully.

If and when a husband of many years asks for permission, truthfully, then I am inclined to encourage the wife to say, "Saya izinkan...." and add, as a matter of factly,
 "Abang tu boleh ka? ....errmmm, nanti isteri muda abang tu kecewa, batin nya terseksa! Jika abang sakit tak boleh bangun, dah tak bergaji, sanggup kah dia terus jaga abang? Saya juga kalau ada jodoh, mungkin akan kawin lain bang, so jangan fikir saya akan menunggu abang datang balek ya?"

By empowering your men - you are empowering yourselves. You become the master of your own destiny!

Wooof Wooffff....they will come begging for you not to ditch them. Try it...!
Most men are creatures of 'attachment'. Once they have become attached to you, your caring, nursing, and nurturing, they will find it hard to leave if you show them leaving is a real option!

As in all assumptions, there are exceptions. For example, for a few, it is better for you to throw his fantasies out of the door and say to him, "Boy...Go fetch!" And as he runs chasing, his tongue salivating, you may close the door and with a shrug of the shoulder say to yourself, "Good riddance~!"
Most men, like the canine species, enjoy the thrill of the chase. Once they get the old piece of wood between their teeth, they will be coming back wagging their tails. Most men who leave their first wife, regret the decision once the novelty wears off, and the conniving little dolly starts to fart in their face~!

A friend of mine who has left his wife of twenty odd years to marry a twenty something once said to me, "Pin, aku sekarang terpaksa bangun malam2 untuk buat susu anak, tukar lampin...padahal, dengan bini dulu, tujuh anak, sekali pun aku tak pernah! Sedih jugak bila dah tua2 ni aku jadi takut kepada bini muda nih!"
I tried to console him by saying, "Worth it lah....you have got yourself a sweet young thing, right~!"
To which, to my surprise, he replied, "I am stressed...she is young, and I am not able to cope! Every time she verbally abused me lah for not satisfying her~!"
He added, with his voice turning into a whisper, "I regret divorcing my first wife. But what to do, she does not want me back any more!"

I over simplify, I know. But then again, do we really need to over complicate it?