Kisah Benar - Retak!

This is a true story.

Puan M ialah seorang rakan yang belum saya temui, namun sudah pernah berbicara soal hati. Setahun dulu dia ada meluahkan isi hati yang terbuku. Dengan izin beliau, saya ingin kongsikan isi pati ceritanya di sini, dengan harapan dapat juga mendengar pendapat pembaca. Nama2 dan identiti telah di tukar untuk menghormati mereka yang terlibat.

It was close to a year ago that rakan saya Puan M confided in me about her marital problems. She has been married to her husband Mr. B for fifteen years and blessed with two children. Puan M works part time giving English tution to form 4 and 5 students in the neighbourhood school. To others, their life and marriage look perfect! What others do not see is the bleeding in her heart and the tears which wet her pillow. What others do not know is that she has been married to a man with two personalities: jackyl & hyde in one body.

Her husband has been and still is a serial womaniser.

Mengikut kata Puan M, suami beliau mempunyai ramai teman wanita - kebanyakan dikenali melalui internet. Puan M sendiri banyak kali terbaca emails di antara Mr B dengan kekasih2 gelap beliau. Surat2 cinta itu kebanyakannya berunsur seksual - di mana Mr B menceritakan fantasi beliau terhadap wanita2 tadi. Pertama kali mambaca surat sedemikian, dia menggigil . Ada pula bukti yang suami telah pernah 'bersama' mereka. Hatinya remuk. Manakan tidak, suami tersayang memanggil wanita lain dengan panggilan manja, "sayang", "honey", "darling" dan berbagai lagi. Bila makin bertambah2 surat2 dan ada pula nama2 baru, datang pula rasa marah! Manakan tidak, dia merasai telah di tipu dan di perbodohkan oleh suami yang pandai bersendiwara sebagai seorang Finance Manager yang di hormati.

Perbualan di YM di antara aku dan Puan M banyak berkisar kepada apakah tindakan yang harus diambilnya. Dia masih sayangkan suami. Suami pula tidak merasa bersalah dengan kelakuan beliau itu, malah Mr B telah menyalahkan Puan M. Mengikut Mr B, beliau kerap bosan dengan perangai isteri yang dianggapnya sebagai cemburu dan cuba mengongkong. Setelah di desak olih Puan M mengenai surat2 cinta yang berterusan, Mr B telah memberi kata dua kepada Puan M, "Jika you tak suka dengan perangai I, you boleh keluar tinggal kan I. I will not change!".

Aku tidak banyak memberi nasihat, cuma lebih kepada mendengar dan menyuarakan soalan. Jauh di sudut hati aku, ingin sekali membantu supaya rumah tangga mereka aman damai dan di penuhi dengan kasih sayang. Then we lost touch - mainly because she went silent.

However today I saw her online.

Aku bertanya, "How r u?"

She replied, "I am fine.....more than fine."

Anggapan aku masaalah lama sudah berahir agaknya. "How is ur situation at home?" Tanya aku.

"I have made up my mind" She said.

"Like how ....if I may know"

"I am leaving him!".

I was speechless. She went on to explain what has been happening since the last time we spoke about a year ago. Her husband has gone from bad to worse. Non repentence and cold-heartedly has reminded her of the option to leave. She still love her husband, but has lost her affection towards him. She told me if she has a full time job with sufficient income to support her life with her children she would have walked out long time ago. Life has became that unbearable. He has stopped to cover up his acts of infidelity or hide evidences of his flirtation. I only managed to say, "errmmm", "ooooohhh", and a few other grunts and groans. I wished I could offer better answers to help her. But I did not have any....

As if to say, what she is going through also happens to other couples, I told her that just like many marriages, mine too has gone through rocky patches. Sedangkan lidah lagikan tergigit, inikan pula suami isteri. Soal hati - memang sukar di mengerti. But, this is not about my story - this is about Puan M. I feel for her, and pray for her happiness. The sad thing is, even I began to believe that she will be happier without her husband. I feel for her two children, of whom one is facing the UPSR exams this year. So I asked her .....please give it one more try! Both children, she told me, love their daddy to bits. They will be devastated with any separation. Thus her second dillema; When she will finally walk out of her marriage, should she tell the truth to their children or should she cover up the reasons of their split?

I am wishing for what is best for her and her children. I am hoping that Mr B, whom is still very much loved by his wife and children despite everything, to be able to find peace at home and to find all the love he needs from people who truely loves him.