The arts of disagreeing and be accepted!

"My life is my argument." - Albert Schweitzer.

There was a lesson from my Eid open house which I want to share. A lesson which I learnt from children - they were strangers to each other, had fun playing, argued passionately about their views, and ended up having more fun together. The lesson was - they argued so that together they were better!
They are the master of the arts of disagreeing and yet be accepted.

Children do this the best - they disagree with each other, and yet get on along building on each other's ideas. I was observing Luqman and his new found friends playing during our Eid open house - there were about ten of them at the living area designated for kids. PS3 and lots of crisps were supposed to keep them occupied - and they were! I came up to take a close look after hearing what sounded like a big argument....only to find them in close huddle, arguing and disagreeing at the top of their voices, but with smiles on their faces and obvious camaraderie and respect for each other. They did not take anything said too seriously or personally! Everyone was cool.....
It seemed to me they understood the principle of "Disagreeing with the view, with the subject ...but not with the person."

At work, knowing how to disagree and yet get accepted makes a difference whether your own ideas are listened to - hence get implemented. And those who can slice in their views without causing ripples of objection tend to move on and up in the corporate ladder. To be successful we need constant renewal of influencing skills - for everyday we will come across people with big ego, resisting to change and refusing to corporate.

For the Eid open house preparation for example, LiL and I disagreed on many things; from our open house menu to what color should our curtains be. Disagreement can be generative or destructive depending on how it is done.
Instead of focusing on what is not agreeable, try to focus on exploring options by asking questions so that everyone can understand the implications of the idea. This will often lead to the person modifying his / her view, or opening up to other ideas.
Disagreeing is not a competition of who has a better idea! It is about generating - together - a better solution.

At work, everyone has ideas - people think they are paid for their ideas. If A says it should be blue, B somehow often feels compel to say it should be red. A will defend his blue idea. The two will argue. C can either agree with one of them, or come up with another idea - that it is black. C can also suggest a compromise of A and B's idea - making it grey. But that is compromising! And compromising is not generative! To be more effective, C should play mediator role - asking questions so that both can see each others idea from a different perspective. Asking question, "Have you considered......" or "What if we......" can make the other person less defensive and more receptive.
Try it....!

The children at my open house came together as strangers, but they left as friends. Argument is an effective way to get close and personal - if you follow the rule of treating others with respect and dignity!

I will end with a quotation which is also an advise....."Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument." - Voltaire.