Ketika ku sujud di bawah bayangan Kaabah..~!

Khamis 23hb Disember 2011.

Umrah bersama isteri, Amirul, dan Luqman.

Tiada tempat di dunia ini, di mana tangisan bukan kerana kesedihan tetapi kerana kesyukuran kecuali di bawah bayangan Kaabah Mu. Di sini, mengalir air mata mengharapkan pengampunan dosa! Di sini basah pipi ketika menyebut doa untuk ayahanda dan bonda. Di sini, kerdil rasa diri, Kebesaran Mu meresap ke jiwa.

Tiada destinasi di dunia ini di mana tetamu sentiasa merasai paling istimewa, kecuali menjadi tetamu Nya - mengelilingi Kaabah, mengatur tapak di antara Safa dan Marwah! Bersatu, di antara jasmani dan rohani, di antara kata-kata dan detik di hati, jasad dan roh - menemui erti damai dan harmoni!

"Di dalam hati manusia ada kekusutan dan tidak akan terurai

kecuali menerima kehendak Allah swt.

Di dalam hati manusia ada keganasan dan tidak akan hilang

kecuali berjinak dengan dengan Allah swt

Di dalam hati manusia ada kesedihan dan tidak akan hilang

kecuali seronok mengenali Allah swt

Di dalam hati manusia ada kegelisahan dan tidak akan tenang damai

kecuali berlindung, bertemu dan berjumpa denganNya

Di dalam hati manusia ada penyesalan dan tidak akan padam

kecuali redha dengan suruhan dan laranganNya serta qadha dan qadarNya serta kesenantiasaan sabar sehingga menemuiNya

Di dalam hati manusia ada hajat dan tidak akan terbendung

kecuali kecintaan kepadaNya dan bermohon kepadaNya.

Kesentiasaan berzikir kepadaNya adalah keikhlasan sebenar kepadaNya

Andai dunia dan isinya diberikan kepada manusia masih tidak lagi dapat membendung hajat hati sihamba itu." - copied from a forwarded email.

Ya Rabbi, Alhamdullillah dengan nikmat Mu kepada kami - di antara yang terpilih untuk ke sini~!

InshAAllah, kami ingin ke sini lagi...

The real secret of a happy marriage...!

Will all married men or women who have never had a fight with your spouse, please raise your hands!

Okay, I only see one hand in the audience.

"Tell me ma'am, how do you manage not to have a fight?"

Silence and lots of blinking.

"Oh, okay. How many years have you been married ma'am?"

A smile across her face. Then rather shyly she answers, "Two months!"

The rest of the audience applause!

That, in itself is an achievement! I mean, to have two full months of marriage without any argument? Wow...such bliss!

The real secret to a happy marriage is to be able to argue as often it calls for, fight if necessary, and to be able to sit down afterwards and make up!

Couples who do not fight are often stressed and unhappy - even if outwardly they put up a happy front! These couples could be 'suffering' from one or more of the followings:

- Bottled up emotions, waiting to burst.

- Their relationship is so fragile, they fear any argument may break them up!

- They do not trust each other.

- Their love for each other are so conditional that they do not wish to risk offending one another.

- They simply do not how how to communicate their thoughts and opinions freely and objectively.

- Lots of compromises taking place in the relationship.

- Either one of them or both are having affairs outside their marriage.

...................and, the list can go on!

In having an argument, it helps greatly if both husband and wife follow some basic civilized rules such as showing respect, doing so in private, focusing on issues and not on the person, etc. Name calling (e.g.,fat ass, lazy bump), gross generalization (e.g., you are always messing the kitchen, you always want your way every time!) , and abusive language of any sort is a NO NO!

Some other side rules are;

> fight outside and make up inside the bedroom.

> fight in private, and make up in even more private place.

> fight fully clothed, and in making up keep an option to easily go naked!

> don't believe any advise that marriage is a 50 / 50 arrangement! A marriage is about two people giving their full 100 / 100 !

If you have secrets of your own, I hope you are happy to share!

Amirul in the News!

I received a call from Dato Wan Asmadi, the President of Malaysian Business Council (MBC) di Jeddah early morning today to tell me that my son Amirul was in the Saudi National News paper - the Arab News.

There was a whole page article about what he and his colleagues have achieved. There were a few things about the accomplishment which made me proud...the entrepeneur spirit he showed in getting sponsors, the independence and self-and-team leadership he displayed throughout the period of the project, the positive attitude and camaradrie in his approach towards overcoming obstancles, and the fun he had in pursuing excellence with a passion!

They have put the Saudi Flag amongst the victors list, and fully deserved the full page splash in the national newspaper!

Yet again, I am reminded of one of the main reasons why I am here - for a better quality education for my children. They are exposed to a learning process which prepares them to succeed in a borderless global village - which awaits their generation in the not so far future!

You may read the article online HERE.

There is always an alternative...

I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe...where there are problems, there will be alternatives and solutions!

The sudden announcement by the Bank Negara capping housing loans to a maximum of 70% margin for 3rd house onwards caught me napping, literally. I was still asleep in Jeddah when the announcement was on mainstream media in Malaysia. In a way I was glad, I was able to get a good night sleep, and have a whole day to figure out what to do!

To do something I must! I was short by a large amount of money to pay for the newly inflicted 20% margin as a consequence of the new announcement. When I made property purchases a few months back, I was banking on 90 percent margin, and had made a contigency plan only for a worse case of a lower margin at 80% loan! Being a born optimist, I did not in my plan consider that the wise ones at the Central Bank were contemplating to revise the rule.

True I am an optimist. Also true, I am a resourceful optimist. Even more true, I go about my investment in real estate with a good dosage of a 'Gambler's mentality'! That is to say, I am happy if I can earn a few bucks from a few properties even if I lose a few buck on a couple of other properties. Sometimes, I cut my loses, and other times, I maximise my profits. Most times, I calculate my potential earning as well as my cost of opportunity loss if a decision is delayed. I follow my gut more than my head. This is not the way prescribed in books on the subject of 'How to make millions from real estate' or the like. This works for me, but it may not for you, so please take this particular sharing with a health warning. The message in the next sentence however, is often preached by self-help Gurus and I have adopted it as an intrinsic attitude! It works for me....and it may work for you too! "......no matter what the situation is; there is always an alternative, a solution!"

After a few phone calls accompanied by strokes of good luck which, I was sure, were interventions from Allah (Alhamdullillah), the following happened....

>>An agent, out of the blue, called me on two consequtive days with news that two of my properties in Denai Alam which were only 85% completed have been sold! I asked for a 3% earnest deposit instead of customery 2%, and in exchanged I agreed to delay the signing of S&P by two weeks giving the buyers more time to raise the balance 7%! I was able to get more cash upfront, and the buyers got two weeks extra time!

>> I called the ustaz contractor in Kelantan who, a few months back sold me some plots of land, and I offered to him to buy back a few plots at the original price. I asked for cash payment. He agreed!

The above two actions, plus a few others taken, were able to provide solutions to my cash flow bottle neck!

ALHAMDULLILAH~!

A father should act like a father~!

Acting the part, is as important in real life as it is done by actors in movies. In each of our life, we have certain parts to act! A father has to act like a father, just like a villain in a movie must act like a villain! A father therefore, should not act like a friend. That doesn't mean you can't be a friendly father!

It may confuse a pre-school child when his father start acting like friends with whom he play at school. Many modern parents, after reading too many books about parenting, perhaps try too hard to please their young children even to the extent of role playing as children themselves. Beware - you may confuse your children of how to relate to you as a father. One possible involuntary effect of that is, the child may look for a father figure from someone else~!

....What if, the person who your child consider as his father figure happens to be the biggest loser alive!

In my view, it is better to stick to the rule. Choose the traditional way. Once upon a time, a father is a person held highly above everyone else often with a mixed of emotion; feared, respected, admired, role-modeled, loved, and some other adverbs.

Once upon a time, a father is the protector and the source of security for the whole family. Time has changed, and so has fathers. Many today are simply confused themselves of the roles they should play!

So they become their own child molester. They confuse loving with spoiling. They can't tell the difference between giving freedom and abdicating responsibility.

I lost my own father when I was only ten. I remember how I looked up to my eldest brother-in-law as my father figure. It just happened without any kind of pyschological consulatation. Rule of nature has dictated that, everyone needs a father, and in the absence of one, the child in us turn to someone who we can consider as a father fugure.

If you are a father, then, be a father!

Below is an extract I found from a website.

Fathers and Babies
Babies need predictability and security, which they get when their mother and father respond consistently, promptly, and appropriately to their cries, smiles and other signals. As a baby develops a relationship with his or her mother and father, he comes to prefer them to other adults, in a process known as attachment. Psychologists agree that babies with secure attachments to their parents have better chances to develop into happy, successful, and well-adjusted children and adults. Mothers tend to be relied upon more than fathers for the comfort and security components of attachment, primarily because they are usually the infant's main caregiver. Babies also form attachments to their fathers, who tend to be just as responsive to their babies' bids for attention as mothers. When fathers spend more time with their babies, they get to know exactly what each of their baby's signals mean. This familiarity allows fathers to respond sensitively, meaning that they know when their baby is hungry rather than when he just wants a change of scenery.

The effects of attachment on children are broad and long-lasting. For example, one study found that primary school children scored higher on tests of empathy-the ability to see a situation from another person's viewpoint-if they had secure attachments to their fathers during infancy. These children were able to recognize how other children felt and took steps to make them feel better.

Both mothers and fathers encourage their babies to investigate the world, manipulate objects, and explore physical relationships. However, mothers and fathers have different styles of relating. Mothers tend to speak soothingly and softly in repetitive rhythms to their infants and snugly hold them. Fathers tend to provide more verbal and physical stimulation, by patting their babies gently and communicating to them with sharp bursts of sound. As babies grow older, many come to prefer playing with their fathers who provide unpredictable, stimulating, and exciting interaction. This stimulation is important because it fosters healthy development of the baby's brain and can have lasting effects on children's social, emotional, and intellectual development. Infants with involved fathers tend to score higher on tests of thinking skills and brain development.

Both the mother and the father are important to an infant's development in special ways. For example, in one study, baby boys whose fathers engaged in physically playful, affectionate and stimulating play during infancy were more popular later as school children. Mothers influenced their sons' popularity through a different route, by providing verbal stimulation.

Fathers and Small ChildrenWhen babies become toddlers, parents must go beyond nurturing them and begin to address two additional needs: supporting their toddler's exploration and setting appropriate limits for the child. Through playing with their toddlers, fathers take a special role in achieving these two goals. Children learn from them how to solve problems and how to get along with others.
Fathers spend a larger proportion of their time playing with their young children than mothers do, and they tend to be more boisterous and active in their play. Most children enjoy this kind of play. Even if their fathers spend less time with them than their mothers, fathers become salient, or meaningful and special, to their children through play.

When fathers play with their toddlers, they are not just entertaining them. They are providing a safe, yet challenging arena for toddlers to learn how to interact with the world and with others. Through rough-and-tumble play, fathers create obstacles for their children and demand respect for limits and boundaries. At the same time, they challenge their children and encourage them to explore their own strength, their ability to do new things, and their impact on the world around them. Toddlers who must work out for themselves how to achieve goals-such as retrieving a ball that is just out of reach in their father's hand or wrestling their father to the ground-are practicing important problem-solving skills. In fact, when fathers are good at playing with their young children, these children score higher on tests of thinking and problem-solving skills.

Playing with fathers also helps children develop emotional knowledge, so that they can identify their own emotions, acknowledge the emotional experiences of others, and describe the causes of emotions. Toddlers must also learn emotional regulation, the ability to express emotions responsibly and control their behaviour. To understand how much emotional regulation develops during early childhood, one can picture a toddler in the midst of an angry temper tantrum, holding his breath until he gets his way. Contrast this with a four-year-old who feels frustrated that the rain has ruined his plans to play football, yet moves beyond those feelings and engages in a board game with his sister instead. When children understand their emotions and know how to control them, it makes them more popular with other children.

The father's influence on emotional development is not limited to play, but also comes through direct teaching and daily interaction. Studies have shown that, when fathers are affectionate and helpful, their children are more likely to get on well with their brothers and sisters. When children have fathers who are emotionally involved-that is, they acknowledge their children's emotions and help them deal with bad emotions-they score higher on tests of 'emotional intelligence'. Moreover, they tend to have better relationships with other children and behave less aggressively. Fathers' involvement in their young children's care can even last well into adulthood. Mothers seem to have much less impact in this area of emotional regulation and peer relationships than fathers. It really is fathers who can have a major influence on helping their children build strong social relationships during childhood and later in life.

Fathers of Children at Primary School
Learning to meet challenges
As children reach school age, they begin to grapple with learning more adult-like skills, testing them out in new environments, and dealing with the feelings evoked by successes and failures. A sense of industry, or a belief that he or she can accomplish a goal or master a skill, is important to a child's developing sense of self-esteem. Fathers seem to be key teachers in this area. As one expert puts it, 'the quality of the father's involvement during this period is a crucial factor in determining whether the child develops the confidence and competence to meet new challenges in a positive manner.'
One reason that fathers have such an influential role at this time is because they tend to challenge their children to try new experiences and to become more independent. Challenged children have more opportunity to develop problem-solving skills. In one study, children whose fathers expected them to handle responsibilities, such as carrying scissors, crossing the street, or taking a bath alone, scored higher in tests of thinking skills. Accomplishing tasks at this age is so important, and fathers' involvement is so crucial, that fathers have a larger influence on their children's self-esteem at this age than do mothers.

By encouraging children to take on new challenges, fathers help them not only to learn new skills, but also to take responsibility for their own actions. [24] Fathers with a strong commitment to their family provide a model of responsible behaviour for their children. These children have an internal sense of control, which means that they are more likely to believe that their successes and failures are due to their own efforts rather than due to external factors. These children tend to take more responsibility for their actions and rarely blame others for their mistakes.

Fathers usually have a positive influence on their children's sense of industry, competence, and responsibility. However, if a father discourages his children and intrudes on potential learning situations by being too restrictive or imposing his own solutions, he will have a bad influence on his children. Whether this type of paternal behaviour is motivated by a desire to protect his child, by feelings of impatience or frustration, or by his lack of trust in the child, it can hamper children's development of creativity, motivation, and problem-solving skills, making them less responsible and more dependent.

If you wish to read the full article on the website, the original article can be found here.

Grease!

Lil and I were at my sons' school this evening, watching 'Grease'! The hall was packed, and all three nights of the show were sold out. The audience was truly entertained; the singing and acting were not perfect but were entertaining. The castings were superb. The props were awesome, but I maybe biased since Haziq prepared the 'Car'. Remember the car, which Danny and Sandy used for the drive-in movie?

I was taken back to my first year in England, waking up to summer days and nurturing dreams throughout the summer nights. I was falling in and out of love on daily basis, admiring every single girls with pony tails who happened to smile at me. I was seventeen, awkward and too self conscious to make any positive impression on any girl, but I was in love...even if, I was only in love with love.

The memories of those first summer days were brought alive this evening, and of all places, amidst teen agers and their parents inside my sons' school hall, here in Jeddah.

Ahah, I enjoyed this evening! Well done boys and girls.