Friendship ...on foreign soil!

" He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare,
And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere".

Ali ibn-Abi-Talib, A Hundred Sayings
(602 AD - 661 AD)

I lived four years in Singapore between 2000 to end of 2003. How many Singaporean friendship did I make and developed? How many are still flourishing today? While I was there I made a few friends in the office ~ but friendship was very much limited to office matters. A few years after leaving Singapore, I am hardly in touch with any of them. Much to my regrets....which has led to one of my new year resolutions for 2009: that is to rejuvenate old friendships worth keeping.

After Singapore, I lived in Jeddah for four years between 2003 and 2007. Perhaps learning from the missed opportunities from Singapore days, we made extra effort to befriend locals and other expats living in Saudi. One year after leaving the holy land of Saudi we're pleased to say a few friendships are still blossoming! Today for instance we received Mr B and his family visiting us ~ one of the true friendships which has sustained the test of time and distance. Today's reunion brings a lot of joy to us, especially my wife. She and Mrs B have developed into a close friendship ~ cross-culture ~ sharing and exchanges of recipes and cuisines during their frequent meetings. Those were the good old days in Jeddah.

Cross-culture friendship requires extra effort to start, and requires understanding and open mind and heart to develop. One need to appreciate diversity and its values in order to sustain such relationship.

By being a friend of Mr. B, I learnt that for Arabs hospitality towards guests is of utmost important! Food is prepared in abundance! Every time we were invited for meals, their dining table were filled to the brim - lots and lots of food and almost all were home cooked! To them, it is about giving the best to their guests. Such is the Saudi way!
I also learn that a visit should not be done in a hurry. There is a proper visiting etiquette to be followed ~ tea or Arabic coffee upon arrival, normally taken with dates. Light conversation follows, and the subject is nearly always about family well being. Men talk with men, and women with women. Praising the cooking or anything to do with women of the house is not appropriate for another man to do! Always praise only the men of the house. All praises, must always be followed with exclamation of "MasyAAllah!" to ward off Syaitan from disturbing the praised.

Prayer time is respected. When call prayer is heard, then men are expected to perform prayer immediately. I found it very convenient to go visiting with my condition already in Wudu'.

After being invited to the dining table, you are expected to stop at the sink to wash hands and wipe dry. Then be seated. Always wait for the man of the house to start. He will normally serve you...personally. Eat heartily!! Arabs love it when their guests like their food. Always decline anymore extra offerings with a "Alhamdullillah!" Please stop when full, otherwise the hosts are obliged to continue eating with you.

And what they say about crossing legs is true. For fear of risking putting up the soles of your feet towards the hosts, it is best advised not to sit cross legged in the presence of Arabs. Showing the soles of one's feet is considered more than rude, it is taboo! Similarly, never pass or accept anything with left hand. Also, some Arabs are quite particular that you only use right hands for bring food or water to your mouth. These are quite similar with our Malaysian way, so not much problem there.

As much as I learn his way and his culture, he too have been interested to learn Malaysian way of hosting guests. However, we err on following the culture of the place we live in as much as possible when interacting with the local people. Therefore while in the Middle East, we have been inclined to follow their way, both as guests in their home or as hosts to them in ours.

So, we had dinner tonight with the Mr B's family. Step by step...lots of conversation, and revisiting the good old days.

I wish I have more friends from the local community where ever I live. Just ask ourselves and be honest with the answers: "How many of us Malaysians in Dubai have friends from the local community ?"
If not, why not??
"Is it not a waste of opportunity to spend all these time abroad and only to be concerned with ourselves and other Malaysians. True "Birds of same feathers tend to flock together" but.....

Would it not add to our and our children's development and spice our lives more if we occasionally flock with birds of slightly different species?? Especially the locals"

I close my entry with the above questions.