Astaghfirulah...oh God forgive me!

Physically, I am beginning to feel my age. My knees often creak under my weight and have to be aided with creative ways to climb up slopes. My eyes can no longer read cooking instructions on ready-to-cook packets of offerings from Maggie or Knorr. Although I have not yet heard, my children often tell me, I make snoring sound when I sleep. Loud one too, they say. My wife has been avoiding a direct answer when I ask her for confirmation of those claims. So, I shall remain in doubt - maybe, I don't actually snore. Maybe, I only make similar sound!

Emotionally, I am also beginning to feel my age. The most trivia of things can make me choke with emotion. Acts of kindness, just as acts of indifference affect me. My radar has become super sensitive, so much so, I am beginning to detect un-caring and un-loving vibes even in the silence that echo around me.

Spiritually, I am finding more solace in the stillness of the night, doing nothing but just watching the darkness. Uttering nothing, but just remembering Him. Silence has a different meaning, and being alone is becoming less lonely. Death starts to become a destination which is more real. Death brings renewal. The old gives way to the new and young. Even within me, I find the thought of death brings renewal to my being; trying everyday to be a better man. Every morning lately, I begin to think of what I need to do, and more importantly what I shall not do. Solace and peace, begin to radiate from within. I like my new me!

"Astaghfirullah...astaghfirullah....astaghfirullah...." Oh Allah, forgive me....

I am very grateful to God that I will be turning fifty-three in a week's time, still relatively healthy and happy. I have a wife who loves me. She doesn't say it often, but I know she does. I have my children, who are doing well and turning out to be even better with every passing day. They are always in my doa, and they are always in my thought. I am also happy, knowing that with every tear drop I shed for reasons which shall remain as my own, I am blessed with love in my heart.

it has taken me this long to be wise
it is for death, that we live this life
our destination is paradise

and worldly things will never suffice!

it has taken me this long to understand

the magic of God's grand plan

water from the sea, rise to the sky and falls on land

when He so wishes, He turns green the desert sand!

it has taken many nights alone to make me see

love between humans, are all temporary

it is His love and loving Him which stay till eternity

it has taken me long, and now I know, love is within me!

On August 26th, I will turn fifty three

it has taken me this long, but now I am free

Oh Allah, please forgive me!