Di Pusara Bonda....

"Kenapa menangis?"
>>>>"Sedih!"

"Kenapa sedih?"
>>>>"Sewaktu hayatnya, saya selalu abaikan dia"

"Abaikan...maksud kamu?"
>>>>"Saya terlalu mementingkan diri saya, kerjaya saya, hal-hal saya, saya sering tangguhkan keperluan dia"

"Apakah keperluan dia yang kamu rasa kamu selalu tangguhkan?"
>>>>"Pernah bila saya pulang,saya lihat telefon di rumah telah di tarik ke tempat tidur....bila saya tanya kenapa, dia menjawap kerana dia ingin memastikan dia dapat mendengar jika telefon berbunyi sekiranya saya menalifon dia"

"Selalukah kamu telefon dia?"
>>>>"Tak pernah......kecuali hari Raya. Dia berkata, telefon di rumah itu tidak pernah berbunyi kecuali apabila jiran menalifon bertanya khabar apabila dia tidak kelihatan beberapa hari"

"Kenapa jiran tak nampak dia"
>>>>"Kerana dia sakit dan tidak dapat bangun dari tempat tidur nya. Itu yang membuat saya sedih! Sewaktu hayat ibu saya tidak pernah mengabaikan keperluan saya. Saya sungguh sedih. >>>>Apa perlu saya buat sekarang?"

"Menyesal pun tak berguna lagi. Kamu berdoalah semoga Allah ampuni dosa kamu terhadap arwah ibu dan ayah kamu, dan semoga Allah kasihi mereka sebagaimana mereka telah mengasihi kamu"

....perbualan di atas di antara dua sahabat. Seorang dari mereka baru sahaja pulang ke kampung halaman setelah bertahun di seberang laut. ....Jangan tunggu sampai terlambat. Call your father and your mother today, and tell them you love them! At a certain phase in life, the role between parents and children come to a cross-point, where the children should become more of a 'giver' role and parents yearn to be the 'receiver'. And I am not even talking about material things....I am talking about love, about caring, and about reassurance, that they matter in your life. Si Tenggang terkena sumpahan kerana menderhaka kepada ibu. Itu zaman dahulu kala. Tak perlu lah bandingkan diri kamu dengan si Tenggang. Semestinya dengan pelajaran di zaman cyber dan zaman iPod ini, dan setelah merantau ke mana-mana, kamu lebih mengerti bagaimana untuk mengambil hati seorang ibu atau seorang ayah. Bukan begitukah?
Biasakan lah, dewasakanlah diri, sapulah malu, pura2lah rindu...sekali pun jika rindu itu tiada di hatimu! Kerana, satu hari nanti apabila kamu juga mempunyai anak-anak yang telah dewasa, perasaan yang sama akan di rasai juga. Percayalah, kerana ramai yang aku kenali kini mengalami nya!

(gambar hiasan dari google search)

Usah di tunggu kematian,
sekadar untuk di tangisi dengan penyesalan
usah di renjis air di pusara
jika semasa hayat mereka kamu alpa !
Bukan wang ringgit yang mereka pinta
sekadar 'suara' sebagai tanda
"Kamu mengingati mereka!"

Aku berpesan untuk semua
yang masih ada ibu dan bapa
kerana setelah bertahun aku kehilangan
ke hari ini aku di bayangi penyesalan!
Jika ibu dan ayah masih ada
Tak kan aku ulangi lagi
bertanya khabar, sekali sekala
itu pun hanya di hari Raya
ingin aku sering mengunjungi
memeluk erat, mengucupi pipi
bukan sekadar menitiskan airmata
ketika merenungi nisan di pusara!

Ampun kan anakanda, wahai ibu
ampunkan anakanda mu wahai ayah
kerana dulu, begitu alpa
ke sana kemari - meniti dunia
terlupa sebenarnya yang di cari itu
melihat senyuman di wajah-wajah mu!

Malam ini aku tangisi
penyesalan yang hadir di dalam mimpi~!

(Just me: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia)

All in all, we're doing rather ok...!

Di atas: Pada Malam Khamis Oct 14th Oct 2009, saya sempat bertemu Tuanku Raja Muda Perlis - di Majlis di Consulate of Malaysia di Jeddah. Saya berbaju putih membelakangkan kamera! Di sebelah kiri Tuanku ialah Dr MAZA! On my left is Mr Kamil - Director with the Jeddah Municipality.


Di bawah: Hari Jumaat 16th Oct, makan2 udang bersama kawan2 dan anakanda Amirul!
A plateful of deep fried prawns!

Living with Amirul in Jeddah for the last three weeks has been quite an experience. It has made me more rajin ke dapur...ia lah to prepare a meals or two for both of us. We have also built quite a nice routine; for instance we do our grocery shopping on every Thursday afternoon after Asar prayer, and if we don't go to Macca we will have friends over for Friday lunch, a bit of relaxation, and ending our weekly social get together with swimming. Mr Kamil, who is a Director for the Jeddah Municipality has been our regular Friday companion - and the fact that he is a very accomplished cook, makes him a much awaited and welcomed guest.


Amirul himself has turned into an independent young man. He has to, since due to my work there are times when I leave him all alone at home for a few nights at a stretch in a week. He has learned to cook rice, and are able to cook a few simple dishes such as honey-chicken, spaghetti bolognaise, besides the usual fry this and boil that!
Fortunately, we have a maid who comes twice a week to clean the house, do our laundry and check our fridge for any expired food items. The last chore, I am quite sure, is an instruction from my wife to her.


A snap shot look into our fridge reveals that we are over stocked with proteins; chicken breast, lamb chops, beef steak, king fish steak, and prawns! We have quite a good selection of fruits; banana, apples, oranges, and pears. There are just not enough vegies! Except for cucumbers, I have just realized that we do not buy, cook, or eat vegies as much as we should! Point noted though, and on my next visit to a supermarket, I will pick up a good mix of leaves, stems and root vegies. My favorite is broccoli ~!


Last night, we surprised ourselves by cooking steak and baked sweet potatoes! It was a walalala dinner. Simple to prepare, fresh and tasty. The sweet potatoes, steaming hot applied with some butter was an exquisite discovery last night, and we both said we will repeat the menu again in the near future. We learned one lesson though last night! For good taste, the steak has to be adequately marinated first. Last night we simply applied some black paper source to the meat and cook it a little too quickly - hence a little bland on flavour. Oh well...


I guess there is a subconscious reason why I over emphasize on food and cooking in my write up and also in my phone conversation with my wife who is in Dubai. The reason simply is for her to know that both of us, father and son, are looking after our food rather well. There is little reason if at all, for her to worry. We are more than coping...in fact we enjoying the opportunities to experiment with 'things' in our kitchen.


All in all, we are doing ok!

"Happy birthday Anis!"

Morning sun steals into Anis's bedroom, softly kissing her face. Still half asleep, Anis turns her face away from her bedroom window. She reaches for her mobile phone. Something which is not there disappoints her. No messages! No miss calls! "He doesn't care! No one cares..."she thought, and sinks deeper into reclusion. Without her consent, warm tears trickle down to her pillow.

The cycle of her ups and downs seems to be out of equilibrium. Lately, she is having more downs than ups. There are many mornings when she doesn't feel like getting out of bed at all. There are many nights when she can't seem to go to sleep without first creating some kind of a nightmare in her mind. She often wonders whether it is all worth the effort - the separation, the sacrifices, the absence!

Curling there under the warmth of her pastel yellow duvet, she some how feels unsafe! But unsafe from what? Living in Newcastle, a city of beer, coal mines and football has never made her feel unsafe. There are some fifty other Malaysian students there, and she has also met with two Malaysian ladies in their forties who are married to 'Mat Salehs' and have set up homes in the upper class end of Newcastle. Kak Nah and Alicia, both have been there for more than 20 years, but still speak fluent and very good Malay. In fact, kak Nah's Kedah slang is still as original as any makciks she knows back home. Not to mention her laksa and fish head curry! More than good enough to curb her yearning for Malaysian food.

Yet, when she is in her own room, she often feels unsafe. In the privacy of her room, sheltered from the reality of the world and demands of her studies and thesis, she let her imagination wonders wild into space. It is her imagination which makes she feels unsafe. She imagines about her future, her love life, her fiance thousands of miles away in Malaysia. Is he being faithful to her? Is he missing her, or even thinking of her? Why doesn't he send her a message or calls her on her birthday, today!
With that thought, her silent tears turns into a sob. She lets tears flow, and she lets her body shakes. In fact, the last time any communication between them has been a long time back, 17 days to be exact! That too was initiated by her! The last time Firdaus tried to call her was one month ago! "I called, but you did not pick up !" was what he claimed when she called back after seeing a missed call on her mobile.

The demands of her studies, trying to complete her PhD, is keeping her sane and going, and perhaps even living! Her heart has been broken to pieces before when her love of eight years ditched her to marry a daughter of a Dato'. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her then. Eight years of dreams they painted together on a white and clean canvas shattered. Eight years of friendship which blossomed into a romance, adorned with countless memorable moments along the way vaporized into thin air. "How do you feel?" He asked, tightly embracing her.
"Blissful!" she whispered to him. That was on a night which changed her from being a girl to being a woman. That night, they drew their promises of a beautiful life together, to be happy ever after, on the white sandy beach of Pulau Pangkor. In that drawing in the sand, her heart was circled by his bigger heart. Then they both drew a box around the two hearts and sealed it with a lock! And they kissed under the moon light, their hands locked and their lips entwined. Their hearts shared a common rhythm, and they caressed and let slow danced to the songs of the ocean!

The recollection of the past, only makes her sobs turns into weeps. "Fendi! I hope you are happy...then at least my misery has some meaning to it!" she oftens comfort herself with the same mantra. His happiness, is her happiness!

She pulls her duvet to her face. She bites at the edge. he calms down. Biting and suckling the edge of the duvet provides her with some comfort, perhaps not unlike a baby seeking comfort in suckling a mom's nipple. Her weeps subsides into a sob. Soon after, her sobs stops altogether. She wipes her tears, take another look at her mobile and with a sigh, she gets up and out of bed.

"What ever will be will be! I am not getting hurt because of you Firdaus!" she walks into her bathroom. She needs to be ready! She has a group discussion within an hour. She likes her group discussion. The presence of her buddies, cheers her up! The focus on intellectual discussion, activate her mind away from idle emotional state. She loves it too when Idham, the guy who speaks English with heavy Kelantan slang, teases her....with and about anything! Idham is not as good looking as Firdaus, but he is gentle and very funny. If she needs a reason to smile, she needs only to think of him. And in his presence, she grins non-stops and laughter comes naturally.
"Errmm, why am I comparing Idham to Firdaus!" she mumbles over the noise from her hair drier.
She chooses her favourite blouse, just nice for the spring time weather. Or is it, Idham's favourite blouse? Whatever. She smiles...and for the first time since last summer, she applies a red gloss lipstick to her lips. "Muahhzzz!" she made the sound as she pouted her lips and admires her own beauty.
"Happy birthday to me!" she said, and blows a kiss to herself in the mirror!

end.
(cerita rekaan semata2...hehehe....idham sempat juga inter-frame tu! ahaks!!)