"Work-life balance!" ~one perspective.

"I got it totally wrong lah! I thought I was keeping her company. But my wife complained. She said she needed personal space!" My ex-board colleague from previous life said in responce to my question on what has been some of the adjustment he has to make upon his retirement.

On average, working life span over thirty over years. During that period, busy work schedules limit family time to daily routines and obligations. While some odd couples spend their weekend like belangkas together, most however choose to pursue their social interest separately. Husbands spend time on golf courses, or out with their buddies fishing somewhere little known to the wives. Wives boil and toil over house keeping and children minding. Some hardy ones, hold their own court and pursue their own past-times which may include little shopping indulgence enough to make husbands regret leaving them alone.

For thirty odd years, working spouses have their own circle of friends and their personal spaces. Wives can get used to having their ''alone'' time when husbands are at work. What they do with their alone time, God knows! But that is what happens to my ex-board colleague who ihas retired recently. His wife finds his presence as a bit "too much". He is there every where she looks, and he is there even when she tries to be by herself. He wants to make up for lost time ~ she tries to maintain her luxury of 'free time'. She does not appreciate all the sudden attention, and worse all of the sudden demand for attention.

"Our biggest adjustment has been getting used to having each other by our side all the time again" he said, and we laughed. We laughed, but we both knew it was not funny. It was kind of sad. Many of us are placing such high priority and focus on our career that we have conditioned ourselves to accept less than perfect relationship to develop at home. Some of these relationship are not even on proper conversational terms. Communication become limited to a 'question and answer'of ''ýes and no" sessions. Intimate moments between husbands and wives become matter of responsibility and obligation. No intimacy, no romance, no pillow talks. Friendship between spouses become contractual and a matter of duty. Love making reduces to a 2 minute start to finish ~a little shorter than it takes to cook instant noodles!

My entry rambles with random thoughts from my mind but I do want to emphasize my point about having a "work life balance". Focus on careers should not be amplified to a point where life and love at home become compromised. Remember, employers retire you from your job but you will live with your companions at home for life! 24 hours a day!!! No escaping. No meetings to go to. No overseas trips, alone!!!
Just as you focus on chasing career success, invest with equal zeal in chasing success with your family life. Whether you like it or not, you can't semi retire yourself from your marriages, if what you are looking for is a long happy fullfilling life.

After two weeks away from the embrace of my dear wife, I am looking forward to my return flight tonight!

Repatriating....!

Repatriation, or returning home from an overseas assignment involves just as many factors to be considered just as one has to consider when deciding before going abroad.

I have left Malaysia for nine years and so have been my wife and three of our children. For me, it means that I have been out of the local network amongst peers and compatriots. I may no longer know the 'Who is Who!'' For my wife, she has made new friends abroad and may have got used to a certain way of living - away from home. For my three children, all of their formal education have been experienced out of Malaysia. These summaries are over simplistic however do represent some of the factors we have to consider when repatriating home.
On top of that, there are financial factors. For me, having been in the Middle East means that it has been a while since I last pay tax for my income. And having been an international assignee, I have used to certain perks associated with the job, such as company paid car and accomodation, paid holiday and more.

The question of "Hujan emas di negeri orang dan hujan batu di negeri sendiri - baik lagi negeri sendiri!" does come in every now and again. There are times we miss home...so acute we feel like packing and taking the next flight home. There are times too, we become dissappointed and disillusioned after having been home for a few weeks - people at home have got used to not having us around that their lives do not revolve around us any more. Once the novelty of 'coming home' subsides, we begin to miss our home away from home. We miss our new found friends in those faraway land. We miss the smell of our own kitchen, even without the belacan smell. We miss our foreign neighbours whom we hardly talk, far less gossip with. We begin to feel excited again as soon as we board the plane at the KLIA - yes, we miss home ~ home away from home!
It is not only the hujan batu or the hujan emas that influence us to be where we want to be. Life is more than a pile of gravels or a pot of gold. Life is ... about waking up in the morning and feel that we belong!

The whole of my paragraph above is a digression from what I wanted to write. However, it helps to illustrate the need to offer our returning friends and family members with emotional support besides physical or financial support. At work, it is important to consider providing repatriation orientation and support just as what we do when we welcome foreign expats.

Examples of things a company can do for their repatriating expats are:
- Offer help in looking for new schools and accomodation.
- Offer information on new malls, restaurents, hospitals, etc.
- Provide with a temporary car and driver.
- Help with red-tapes; installing telephone lines and utilities.
- Organize morning coffees for the spouse with spouses of other managers / staffs.

The government has taken positive steps in encouraging Malaysians expats to return home with a few financial incentives and priviledges on offer. Caring and considerate gestures from families, friends and work colleagues can add to the joy of coming home!

13-02-09 : I was in New York!

Friday 13th! Many believe the number 13 to be a very unlucky day. Malaysians of all races are probably the most superstitious in the whole wide world. In many buildings in Malaysia, you will not find floor number 13. Instead it is 12 and 12b.
Number 4 is also considered as unlucky and can bring 'death' to its owner. Hence, floor 4, 14, 24, 34, 44 are identified by some other numbers.
I can bet you RM444,444 that a car registration number 4, 44, 444 or 4444 would not belong to a Chinese!
Such is the extent of Malaysians numerical superstition.

Friday 13th! A day where bad things are supposed to happen. Something did happen to me. Today I tried to stay awake, but after a good roti telor breakfast with fish curry, I kept drifting into slumber on my favorite sofa. I woke up, cleaned up and went for Friday prayers, fully awake. Upon my return and after having 'mee mamak' from Puan Sharifah I drifted back to sleep. This time I even had a dream. It was a nice until I was awaken. ~~~ In my dream....

I was going to New York with Hasnol. Both of us were at an Airport, with one hand carry luggage each. After checking in, we could not find the departure hall. We searched the whole airport and found departure hall to Boston, Michigan, Dallas, and other USA cities except the one to New York. At one point, Hasnol asked me to sit down to take a rest  and stop searching. Then he said, "I already miss my daughter. Shall we cancel the trip?" 

I was disappointed if we had to cancel because I have been looking forward to it. Then one blond girl came and sat next to us. She was wearing a pink blouse with long hanging earing. She was tall, slender and she looked friendly and was smiling. I asked her, "Where is the departure hall to New York?" She looked at us with a puzzled look. "You are in New York!" she said. 

At that point, my wife woke me up to go for our weekly grocery shopping in Lulu Al Barsha. While pushing the trolley around the butchery area, there I saw a blond girl in pink. I moved closer to her, and she had long hanging earings on. She was slender and pretty. She was not smiling or as friendly as the one I met at the airport but she gave me that Deja Vu sort of a feeling. I wished I had asked her whether she was indeed from New York! I didn't.

Perhaps next time, I will put a sign on my forehead, "Wake me up only after I have come down from the Empire State Building!"

12-02-09 : Happy Birthday darling...

"Happy Birthday darling"
Today is my wife's birthday!
Kita sama2 bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada. Waktu-waktu bersama. Kesihatan yang seadanya. Anak-anak yang sihat dan berjaya. Dan kita teruskan doa....untuk di berkati baki-baki usia yang ada. Bersama, ke ahir hayat kita! InsyAAllah.

12-02-09 : Happy Birthday darling...

"Happy Birthday darling"
Today is my wife's birthday!
Kita sama2 bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada. Waktu-waktu bersama. Kesihatan yang seadanya. Anak-anak yang sihat dan berjaya. Dan kita teruskan doa....untuk di berkati baki-baki usia yang ada. Bersama, ke ahir hayat kita! InsyAAllah.

06-02-09 : Bercerita tentang career !

Tujuh belas keluarga berkumpul di Mushrif Park dan tiga puloh orang anak2 kami bersama menyertai program "Career Talk" anjuran MyUAEPRO - persatuan rakyat Malaysia di sini.


Di waktu anak2 kita masih mencari paksi kehidupan .... begitu penting kita memberi mereka peta dan kompas yang se imbang, dunia dan akhirat. Hari itu kami ibu bapa mengambil satu pendekatan memberi mereka awareness mengenai career options. Baca di sini untuk report sepenuhnya.

"Plan a life around a career" atau "Plan a career around your life" satu persoalan yang perlu di fikirkan.


Yang pertama itu selalunya terjadi jika kita tidak membuat persiapan dan perancangan mengenai bidang kerjaya kita. Jika kerjaya kita terjadi secara rambang dan accidental, maka kehidupan kita menjadi pengikut kepada kerjaya.


Sebaliknya, dalam situasi kedua kita merancang dan mengambil langkah pro-aktif mengenai minat kita yang mendalam dan cara dan gaya hidup yang kita inginkan. Dengan sendirinya kita berusaha mengejar impian itu sebagai bidang kerjaya kita. Contohnya, jika seseorang itu berminat dalam bidang fotografi dan penulisan, dan gaya hidup yang dia inginkan ialah untuk sentiasa dapat menziarah tempat2 baru, dan mengambil fotografi dan menulis dengan kreatif. Seharusnya dia mendalami bidang 'Journalism' sebagai kerjaya dan bukannya sebagai seorang doktor.
Inilah yang di maksudkan, "Plan your career around your life!"